- The Angry Mutant Weekly -
Funny Rants on Urban Living
Theme music, or Mood Lighting?
This is the age old question we've all heard people ask time and time again. I've been asked this question several times over the years, and I must admit that I have asked it a few times myself. It's kind of a douche bag and pretentious query to inquire in order to weed out the lame and boring or to simply pass the time with a meaningless argument. In any case the answer to the question is supposed to give you some insight about the person. Compatibility and all that armchair psychology nonsense. If you had to choose one, which would you choose? Theme music? Or mood lighting? Well, the question has finally been answered! It is fucking Mood Lighting! And here is why: The age of technology has turned the once entertaining "Where's Waldo" style game of trying to identify the inconsiderate moronic cock sucker walking down the street into a game that's far too easy to play for it to be any fun at all. These days one can literally hear them coming from a block away, all loud and proud of the obnoxious sounds that preside them, and they all deserve to be Tasered. That's right, you know what I'm talking about! Every idiot that feels the need to carry a personal speaker blasting their shitty music far too loud for everyone to hear. Strutting around town like they were Travolta at the end of Saturday Night Fever. What the shit has happened to the people in this day and age that they have the compulsion to publicly advertise every stupid thing about themselves at all times every fucking day? Have we become so needy as individuals, nay ... as a society that we need to have others constantly pay attention to us in order to feel like we are really alive at all? And the worst part is that it isn't just one pointless bag of vomit doing this, it is a multitude of meaningless wastes of space carrying speakers that litter the sidewalks of my everyday commute. It wasn't so long ago that we saw similar sights of city living. But it was a large flashy boombox and the sweet sounds of underground hip hop! These days people buy little pink backpacks with loud ass speakers already installed in them, or simply purchase a small speaker and wear it hanging like a necklace tempting me to choke them with the strap as they pass me by. What used to be a sight and sound of urban truth has now become a sea of over-privileged and far under beat noise making attention whores. | I once saw a guy walking around downtown blasting Miley fucking Cyrus! It's like he wanted me to take his lunch money! I had always appreciated walking by the corner hustlers and hearing some of their music as I made my way past their business. I viewed it as a rhythmic treat amid the urban thundering of vehicles and crazies, but now thanks to these dipshits walking down the street is like walking through the middle of an orchestra made of retards playing broken instruments as loud as they can. A sack filled with drowning cats has more musical melody than five of these piss mops standing together waiting to cross the street. Shit music on top of shit music! All of it becoming nothing more than unbearable noise to pair with the already annoying noise pollution coming from the heavy handed honking of the people stuck in traffic. So yeah, Mood Lighting is the way to go. Mood Lighting can even help in avoiding crimes, and or people who might bum you out just by walking by them. Chatty fucks, overly enthusiastic or depressed assholes could be spotted and avoided from blocks away. It'd be like watching the weather channel equivalent of people's emotional state in real time on the streets of every city in the world. Connecting with others would be a breeze and getting laid would be like shooting fish in a barrel. I could go on and on about the benefits of Mood Lighting over Theme Music but I believe my case is fairly obvious. Moreover, I want to emphasize that I'd take anything other than fucking Theme Music! It's out there now and it fucking sucks. If there is any justice in the world I pray that there is a special place in Hell for every loud personal speaker carrying shit stain out there in which they are stuck in a massive echoing room surrounded by countless others of their kind, never being able to escape for all eternity. Their mouths sown shut and their ears three times the normal size. A well suited Dante's Inferno style punishment for their asshole mortal sins. It's not all about you. Don't be a dick! The Bastard. |